In case you got stuck under your book shelf for the past, oh, six months, then you don’t know that the next Star Wars movie is coming out soon. The first movie came out before I was born. It’s been in the cultural lexicon for my entire life. When I was a kid, I was a fan. I had the colouring books, the action figures, the lunch boxes. I think I even dressed up as the Sith Lord himself for Halloween when I was five. Or six. My Mom would know.

Anyway, I’d like to say I don’t watch very much TV, but I do. And I’m a little upset that they’re using Darth Vader to sell Burger King and Slurpees. Do masters of evil really need to pimp delicious, syrupy sugar-slush? Would you soil yourself in front of his presence if you knew he had a Mr Potato Head likeness?

What the hell was his agent thinking!? I wonder what the fallen Jedi himself has to say about this. If only he wasn’t so busy with those damn contractors.

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